"One day you may find guys less yucky than now. And when that happens I thought I would give you some advice because I worry about your role models.
"If you want someone to grovel before you and kiss your feet, get a dog.
"If you want someone to cater to your every need, get a servant.
"Don't expect men to listen very much. Men are not very good at listening. At best they are good at doing. Find a man who will do what is right even when it is difficult.
"Muscles are nice, but character is the real strength that won't shrink over time.
"Avoid weak men who buzz around you with flattery and presents. They want something from you. After they have what they want, will they be there for you when you need them?
"A man should be there to lift you up when you fall, not be your foot stool.
"Beware of fantasies. You are not a princess; your father is no king. Most of the Prince Charmings out there aren't what they pretend to be. They have no kingdom, and they had to borrow the fancy pants and pointy shoes. Reality is not always so much fun, but chasing fantasies can be dangerous. There are trolls under bridges looking to hurt young girls, but they don't always look like that at first sight. They often have the sweetest of smiles and cute dimples... until they have you under their control. Only then do you see the real ugliness inside. Beware.
"First of all be strong and confident in yourself. You are wonderful! There are far worse things you can choose than to enjoy your own company. Your company should be a privilege you only bestow upon the worthy.
"And remember you are always your Daddy's little girl. Always."
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Any advice would be appreciated. This is unknown territory for me.
Hello, Alexander:
ReplyDeleteJust my observations. Females tend to find someone that they say they love... they love everything about them. Then, as they get to know the person better, they seem to think the guy is "perfect,except for.... but I'll change the 'imperfections' after we get married or get into a committed relationship." You don't get serious with someone with the intention of changing them! This never works! She has to take the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes with a person. She has her own good, bad, and ugly as well. Are the "not so attractive" parts of the other person too serious or harmful to overlook? Are their habits dangerous to her or to themselves? What are their friends like?
I think that it's important she know that "Two healthy, whole human beings make the happiest most enduring couples." Meaning, she has to focus on who she is FIRST, seek to be emotionally happy and healthy, and look for the same in potential dates. And, later on, she should ask herself,"Would you want to be in a committed relationship with you?" If not, she has some self-improvement work to do. She should not look outwardly for a saviour, prince, or rescuer who will "make her happy." Happiness comes from within. She will attract a similar person of similar values to herself. She should focus on personal development first, the right guy will come along as part of the natural process of things. Her value as a person will not come from things or relationships. It will come from within. She should never feel worthless without a date or boyfriend and she should not chase after people and demean herself. She has to respect herself or no one else will. We teach people how to treat us. Mutual respect and trust is a must!
Just like in online marketing, the Law of Attraction applies. Personal development, be yourself, the right people will come into your life.
Best wishes on being a loving and supportive father,
Deborah
Hello Alexander,
ReplyDeleteI think that is a great letter and if more men would take the time to talk with their daughters in person or via letter as you just did, more little girls will make better choices as they grow up. I really admire you and how loving you are as a father.
Lori
Thanks for the helpful comments. I wanted to be positive, but at heart I am concerned about the negative. I didn't want to sound mean and bitter, but there are so many things I see in total strangers that just tear my heart out, I hope never to see it in my daughter.
ReplyDeleteAlex,
ReplyDeleteKeep showing up no matter what. Even into early adulthood, the brain is not fully formed and your daughter will make error or lapses in judgments. Through it all, keep the dialog going.